The Real..er World

Every now and then I have one of those nights… Actually, I’d like to hope that we all do so I feel less frustrated with this whole thing.

Tonight is a night where your head likes to take its own personal trips down Memory Lane for you. It’s more like a Memory Avenue though because the Lane you’re used to, but the Avenue is where you store all those other memories; the ones that aren’t the best or are still confusing for you to go back through and process. The Avenue is a place for all the memories and thoughts you like to normally push aside… Well, somehow my mind got lost driving tonight and took a wrong turn as I was trying to fall asleep, so here I am on the corner of WTF?! and Memory Ave. I don’t know for sure, but it feels like it’s because I’m back in the same area where I grew up, made all those teenage mistakes, barely surviving my high school years, and where decided I just had to learn most things the hard way. I keep finding myself fixated on worrying if I’m going to run into someone, some old, now awkward friend or perhaps a high school foa, who knows! I’m not even sure why I’m so worried when I’m the independent one rocking the job and 3+ yr relationship, all the while maintaining some sort of figure… Clearly knowing all of this I think that perhaps I still let the old judgements get the best of me. Old insecurities can still flare up from time to time and maybe this is just one of them. Whatever a night like this one is, it is frustrating, mentally and physically.

I’m not a fan of the Avenue…

Ok, so I survived my first week (officially, since today makes it an actual week since I started on Tuesday). And might I add that I loved it! I’m currently “working from home,” which means that I go to meetings, usually one or two a day with a number of different people involved and of course my darling and intelligent boss and then the rest of my 8 hours for each day I spend on my computer looking up resources, PR database contacts and such and/or visiting different possible venue sites and evaluating them. Not too bad I’d say… wouldn’t you?

My aparment is still wonderful, minus a small mini ant problem due to the window I’m make kitchen that my landlord is dying to replace asap. I think the poor guy bought flipped when I called him with my dilemna, he was so apologetic, I felt bad. It’s not like it’s his fault! Yet, it’s not mine either.. it’s the strangest thing really.. I’ve cloroxed the entire kitchen I think 4 times now, all my dishes are clean and I never leave food out, yet these itty bitty mini ants have tried to measle their way onto my counter as if it were their personal playground. The issue seems fixed for now though, and if this is the only new-move-in problem I find them I’ll take it; hey who wouldn’t want to hang out in this place!?

I know, I know, it’s been days! I’ll update you tomorrow for sure! Plus I have more pics from my apartment!! For tonight though, I must sleep - it chases away the facts that I miss my wonderful man way too much for functioning’s sake, plus, I’ve got a business meeting at 9am. Thank god we’re meeting at panera haha my hips have been feeling lonely! Goodnight tumblrs and tweethearts, may you dreams keep you young!

Yesterday was my first day and after my jitters subsided and I met up with my boss the rest of the day went off without a hitch! I can’t even begin to explain how happy I am to be able to have a job I know I’m just going to continue loving. My boss is awesome and also a sorority gal and a go-getter like myself so our big dreams for our new office are dancing around each other waiting to be put into motion! Plus the best part is we have awhole year to plan our first walk! I’ve never had this much time to plan an event in my life and we have such a great budget, ahhh my ideas are flowing!!

More fun to come today! We’re off to visit our camp our company hosts in upper CT which should be fun and excciting. Maybe I can sneak a pic and share it with you all!

So tonight I had my first house guest over! My big brother came into town and brought his best friend RJ with him, it was lovely :) RJ brought me a bottle of wine and I just found it hysterical because it’s just one of those moments when you’re like, “oh my god, right, I’m a big kid now.. this is what big kid’s do…. right?” Anyway, it was sweet and wonderful and I happily reined in all of the compliments about my apartment. It’s really like a new haircut, when you’re just dying for compliments because you know you just look so damn good! Well my apartment is the beaut in this sitch of course. We had adult beers and wine and snacks, it was fantastic; plus fireworks danced over the harbor for hours as we conversed, a mighty nice touch to our evening. My brother and I even caught up after which was particularly nice because him and I have been trying to get back a sibling relationship lost over years of nonsense and “learning the hard way” incidences haha so wounds were mended even more this evening.

I can’t wait to have the rest of my furniture delivered though so my apartment is complete and I can play hostess some more! I think having folks over often will cut the tension between me and my pending loneliness. This is what I’m most affraid of as far as living alone goes for sure because I never feel well by myself, more specifically at night. It’s like being scared of the dark really… it’s hard to explain. It’s not like a depressed cat-collecting old hag kind of thing, it’s more of just a feel of lack of security in the house.. as in safety and things; it’s never a bad thing to have a strong handsome man around ya know :) I just wish mine wasn’t 8.5 hrs away! My brother said he’ll teach me how to use my little 3 in knife I have and find me some pepperspray haha although my neighborhood/street is quite peaceful; I guess it couldn’t hurt?